Back to Blank

by: Etha Walters

To say goodbye to yesterday seems a little late
Its out the door and it can’t hear you cry
But echoes of the slamming door come rushing down the hall
and they fade into the walls as they pass by

Can’t rewind and start again or find the place to begin
what time is it when all you can stand is still
color fades to black and white and pails compared to empty nights
on easel canvas waits till brush is filled

Peeling pages back to blank
another ship that has sank
looking somewhere for the strength
to sail again

another battle not been won
another song that wont be sung
so I am peeling all the pages back to blank

Pen in hand I go to write once upon a time
but words get stuck somewhere between the lines
Picked up my paint brush all the colors fade away

I guess all I can do is sit and wait

Wounds have to heal so I can move
there is nothing left for me to lose
Because I took all of those pages back to blank

Twisted Unbroken

Just because you think I am broken

It doesn't mean that I need fixed,

To mold into your conformity

So I can access your mediocre plain

Don't bring cookie cutters

to find the perfect shape

I am what I am 

I know that's hard for you to take

I won't apologize

it’s what I live with every day

Twisted deformity

I am not ashamed

And I won't be your project

to feed your superficial needs

I have my own ideas my own needs and

Contrary to what you believe

The world will meet me halfway

When I show her what I have to offer

And reach out my hands to grab hers

Don't assume that because I'm challenged

I am crippled

Or because I'm twisted

I need molded

The reality is I'm not broken

I am resilient and strong

And I won’t sit in a corner or on the sidelines

For I know …

There is a place that is right for me

The right hand for me to hold

And there are many paths to my destination

And I will make my own choices in how I go

Stains

Stains

Lying on the beach waiting for the tide to roll in

anticipating the chill over my feet

I think back to his sweet voice calling my name again

the last thing he said rings bitter sweet

He said I never meant to lead you astray

may will be together some other day

Then the waves came rolling over me

washing away all the pain

Someday somebody might want what’s left of me

after washing away all the stains

…all the stains

Grabbing up sand that slips though my finger tips

that falls back steadily to the ground

I can still taste the salt that kissed my lips today

so maybe next time I won’t be around

There is no more leading me astray

as long as I hold on to this beautiful day

When the waves came rolling over me

washing away all the pain

Someday somebody might want what’s left of me

after washing away all the stains

…all the stains

© Etha Walters

07-27-2010

The Lioness Within

I've had fast food,
yeah, I've had the dollar menu,
and indulged in the occasional smorgasbord,
but what I really crave,
what really wakes me at night with longing
is that slow cooked meal
where everything is organic and real.
It is a taste that can't be satisfied
just anywhere
and it is a hunger
that won't settle for a cheap imitation.

So I starve,
I starve by choice
because I would rather go without
than feed my body something
that is not healthy or good for it.
Sure I have hunger pains
that shutter through my pit,
but it is nothing compared
to the muck that gives me heartburn.

So I am a lioness,
a lioness who paces and waits
Wanting to pounce and devour
My claws extend and retract
with nothing to sink into
Wild with roaring anticipation
alone with my salivation
and heavy breath
waiting for the right moment,
the right opportunity
to feast

Neon Lies

I've kissed a thousand guitars
dancing with my ear against the amplifier
I have cried in my beer
more times than I can count

I've stood against walls
that leave residue on your fingertips
smoke filled rooms
and ashes fall to the ground

I've spent neon nights watching the door
for the one that will never come
but it is nothing compared
to pretenders in the dark

Reality breaks with the sun
viewing the lies their face
hid by the neon lights
so its off to find another one

When I had my fill
of heartbreak
scars of which I carved myself
cant plead ignorance
when deep inside I knew

So I just got up and walked out
without looking back
I traded the neon lights
for the truth of the sun

Haunted

I catch a glimpse of him sometimes

In a crowded room

In the corner of my eye

As I walk down the hall

I am haunted

I hear his voice sometimes

Far beyond the crowded street

He is whispering my name

As he breathes

And I am haunted

I feel his touch sometimes

Deep within the night

Between the sheets

Across my thighs

I am haunted

He is not a memory

He is not a ghost

He is but a dream

A wish

Of what I hope will be

The Test

She scowled at him from the other side of the table. “You are going to have to be one stubborn son of a bitch to survive loving me.” she said as if to test his willingness to get involved. He sat there looking into her eyes. He knew he couldn't look away or even blink. It was another one of her tests. Breaking the gaze she looked down. She softened as if she put down her weapons and a childlike expression crossed her face. “I will test your endurance to the breaking point and I will keep pushing till you are gone, or broken, or...' Her eyes met his again. 'I won't mean to, my defenses go into auto mode and before I know what hit me there is a whirlwind of debris and a horrible memory of what I have done....” Her voice trailed off and a tear rolled down her cheek.

Without thinking he stood up and pulled her up into his arms. Her body trembled against him as he tightened his grip, as if to envelope her and protect her from her own hell. She was probably right, loving her might kill him, or maybe he is already dead bouncing between heaven and hell. She melted into him gripping him with all the vulnerability of a frightened child. Are more of these tender moments going to be worth it? Probably not, But this is what he has and he has no choice but to take it. He loves her and with faith that if he holds on long enough the walls will come down and she will be his. “I'm as stubborn as they come.” he whispered.